Gone Writing 2

The Octopus Who Plays Drums

Maybe you saw Kick Ass this weekend. I didn't and unless somebody grabs me by the scruff and drags me to the theater don't expect I will. Thing is, I've already seen a little movie called Mystery Men and it looks like the same deal but funnier.

But wait, you say. What's your beef with cussing twelve-year-olds? Nothing, love 'em, but I've seen that movie too. It's called Goonies. Pottymouths were passe, dude, like, twenty years ago.

Mystery Men, sadly out of print, is the funniest superhero movie, the standard, the creme de la creme. Where else can you find advice like, "You must lash out with every limb, like the octopus who plays the drums." Words to live by. And my personal favorite, Janeane Garofalo as The Bowler. She seeks revenge with her father's skull encased in a pink bowling ball. After she finds his killer, she can go back to school and complete her doctorate. A great example for children everywhere.

The cast is star-studded. Tom Waits lives on an abandoned fairgrounds crafting non-violent weapons. William H Macy is the Shoveler, a man who has to choose between justice and his family. Paul Reubens (Pee Wee Herman) is the Spleen who asks foes to pull his finger -with devastating results. The list goes on and you should really check out this gem to see a bevy* of great comedians in homemade costumes fighting for right and playing drums like mad octupii.

Have you seen Kick Ass? Am I giving it a bad rap? I'm open if it's worth dropping a big chunk of change to see. Barring that, my recommendation is instead of going out, save your shekels and rent Mystery Men. It's more fun than a fractured skull.

Yes, a lot of laughs in that there movie, and while we're on the subject, check out the trailer for Scott Pilgrim vs The World, could be a keeper.



These images are copped from a great website that has the script of the film accompanied by a wealth of stills.

*Eddie Izzard, Hank Azaria, Ben Stiller, Michael Bay (yes, that Michael Bay), Sarah Silverman, Greg Kinnear, Dane Cook... and more!

Lost Again

When they killed Mr Eko, it really tore out the heart of Lost for me. Halfway into the fifth season I stopped watching. Too much soap, not enough dirt. Back when Mr Eko was around, a complicated thug-priest who carried a big stick carved with bible verses (cool, right?), the big question was Jack and Kate: are they or aren't they? Oh yeah, and what the frack is going on with the smoke monster? Good, simple stuff. They had to go and kill the show's best character and just like that it's the most mixed-up soap opera since Dynasty. (I know I wasn't the only one seeing Joan Collins and Linda Evans when Kate and Julia had their knuckly tussle.)

The smoke monster did it. The smoke monster killed Mr Eko. That damn, dirty smoke monster.

So now I'm watching again thanks to a buddy who loves the show. Hey, America loves this show, it was inevitable. I'm a good American and between watching Lost's final season or going to a Tea Party, I'll go with entertainment.

Anyhow, last week I went to Hulu and watched the episode that reveals what the smoke monster is. "Ab Aeterno" also gives up the secret recipe for Richard Alpert's anti-aging cream but finding out the smoke monster's secret identity was what we've been waiting for since the show started. Good thing they didn't wait until the series finale to give us this tidbit. Boring Tuesday nights are a thing of the past and America smiles as one.

Now I'm waiting for the ghost of Mr Eko to come back with that big stick and lay it upside the smoke monster's head.

Scan Arcana No 3

I've been so totally absorbed with finishing up the latest serial over at Vault of Story that things have been a little thin content-wise here at the Center for a Better Yesterday AKA zeitheist. Let's address that little situation with some more pages from the Offline Archive AKA my diary.

There was a time when I daily devoured the New York Times, and every once in awhile a headline would stand out incongruously from the others. Does a tiger lurk in fearful symmetry? is the kind of rhetoric that summons poetic imagery and well-balanced felines, not what you usually expect from mainstream media. My response to these encounters is to bust out the scissors and arrange the phrase in seemingly haphazard fashion across the pages of my journal, using it as a centerpiece against which related images can be juxtaposed. That's about as close to method as I get.

Something for years now has obsessed me about the image of Morpheus (of Matrix fame) with katana in hand after he has eviscerated a SUV. Wish-Fulfillment 101! The scene is from Matrix Reloaded, a regrettable sequel that has moments of glory like the standoff between Mr Leather Trenchcoat and a hurtling sports utility vehicle (remember those?). In true torero style, Morpheus steps aside at the last second and rakes his sword across the side of the truck, leaving a deep gash that flips the vehicle on its side. The action plays out so gracefully, it's balletic.

Okay, now I'm proud of myself for using the word "balletic" in a sentence.

Cassettes show up all over the place, like paperclips on a Word doc, and if I had a thousand blog posts they wouldn't begin to cover my lifelong love of mixtapes.

This speaks for itself. Life will always trump fiction.

Easter Blessing

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.

Easter Funny

Comedian Bill Hicks was a national treasure and I laugh every time at his take on the Easter Bunny: